i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
