i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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