I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
