Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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