tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
