The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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