She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
