whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She needs sedatives and a leash
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
