And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
