Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
