I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
