This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You pole danced in your parka.
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You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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