put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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