I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
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I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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