I wish I could punch you in the face.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
