When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
