Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize