i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
