Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
