We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
