didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
