"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
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He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
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