Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
