That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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