Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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