dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
