2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
