splinters make it hard to masturbate
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
