I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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