I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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