I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
