New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
