I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
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I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
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I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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