thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
