he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
