Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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