just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
