i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
