my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
