I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
