So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
