If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
