Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
dude. I can hear the air.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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