even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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