my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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