before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
