And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
