So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
