I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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