the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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