I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
