drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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