my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
