Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
