took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
