I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
