I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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