he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
