so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
