I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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