i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
