I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
