grandma shit on top of the toilet
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
