so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
