Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
