Apparently you make a good broom.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
