I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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