oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
