so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
