I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
please don't ironically join a cult
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