Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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