Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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