they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
