I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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