all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So much rum. So many feels.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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