He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
