but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
